formerly Akeret haBayit in Training

Monday, November 7, 2011

Miscellany Monday: Purpose and the Phoenix

I can't believe it's been more than a month already! October passed in a sort of mist for me, and November is rapidly skipping along. I'm trying to hold on to my sanity while random duties and pleasures surround me, while "bigger" responsibilities and plans, like getting a job, burn in the back of my mind, waiting for action to set the energy into motion.I feel like I need to post, but organizing my thoughts has been my issue this month!  So I'm joining in this meme to make it easier and give me a good excuse to ramble randomly. ;)

Miscellany Monday @
lowercase letters
What with nothing and something, I still haven't got my driving permit that I studied for 3 years ago. I never really minded because I didn't think it was that important, I didn't really want to get my permit. But recently, some circumstances that could've been alleviated by my ability to drive initiated the urge in me to get my permit as soon as humanly possible. With this additional fire burning in the back of my mind, I was resigned to waiting again, for finances and the right time. Then, without any expectation or even a vague idea, an aunt of mine with whom I've hardly had any contact, sent me a letter with $30, almost precisely the amount I need for my permit. I'm sharing this with whomever reads this so that you may see and be encouraged by how HaShem works on your behalf. :)
By the way I talk about getting my permit, it sounds almost like a life or death situation. :p Being the type of person I am, a Scorpio astrologically, most of the time I need to really want something, or be passionate about it, to act on it. Otherwise I can be indifferent about it, as I was about getting my permit. Knowing this about myself, I know that I have to find inspiration and motivation within my daily life to keep me from becoming indifferent or feeling purposeless when it becomes mundane. While waiting to get a job and for my parent's to take me to fill out applications and such, I sometimes struggle to keep in mind that what I'm doing at home, though not monumental, is still important. I believe in the home and family life, and in being an entrepreneur. While I need to get a job, temporarily, I need to remember that that is not the purpose of my life or my fulfillment and what not.
    Whatever I'm doing right now is my life. I am fulfilling my purpose everyday. I am doing what He intended for me to do. I haven't missed my purpose. I'm not waiting for something to come along and give me a mission. Everyday, choosing to love, choosing to live, and choosing to be a light-that is my mission. And however that happens is how it was meant to be. I don't need to invent new ways to do it. Take what you have, be grateful, and do your best with it.
    I'm 18 now! So old! I ordered myself a wheelchair as I've been planning to do for years, because I'm quite feeble now. ;) I'm not into the whole, "You're an adult now!". Age is just a number, I've been disillusioned into believing. Nevertheless, it is rather significant in material ways. I can vote, I can order things on those commercials that say "18 or older to order", and I can do other independent shenanigans. It's quite odd really.
    I've begun a new journal-I'm attempting to keep to a tradition of completing one and beginning a new one each birthday, which didn't really work out this year. But anyway, it's giving me a reason to really formulate into words some desires and intention I have for this year.
    Phoenix Study
    Ultimately, my desire is to continue on the lifetime journey of personifying the Phoenix, the mythical creature that is the highest symbol of the Scorpio, astrologically.
    The Phoenix is a bird, a bird of fire, that bursts into flames at the "end" of it's life, and is reborn from the ashes once again. It's symbolic of the cycle of life-death and rebirth, which is what the Scorpio is all about. This was enlightening to  me because it explained why I often feel as if I have "past selves", whether from my childhood or even my teenage years, I go through cycles of rebirth and feel like a different person, yet the same, just like the Phoenix.
     To rid myself of ego, of self, and yet to be empowered in the love and light that HaShem has implanted in me, is one of my deepest and most prevalent desires this year. And I hope the same for all of you. :)
    I would like to share this quote which I wrote on an entire page of my new journal.
    "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
    It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves,
    "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented,fabulous?"
    Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of Gd.Your playing small does not serve the world. 
    There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
    We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of Gd that is within us.
    It's not just in some of us;it's in everyone. 
    And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. 
    As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
    ~Marianne Williamson

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