the Universe in You {astrology}

 {I'm not in the slightest trying to convince anyone. You may comment with your perspective and questions, or you may think it's complete rubbish. You may think I'm mental (fact:I AM). Either way, I'm probably going to pop some bubbles & present some perspective. If you're not ready or willing for either of those things, you should probably press that little 'x' up there. ;} 

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One spring day in 2011, I was surfing the internet & came across a site with detailed descriptions of the astrological signs. It's a vague recollection, but I somehow ended up reading my sign (Scorpio), and I was absolutely astounded by the accuracy of the articulation. It was like everything I'd ever felt,thought, & realized about myself was articulated. It positively spiraled and blossomed, and a few months later I had fallen in love with what has become a transformational & fulfilling passion in my life. The moment of introduction may be vague, but I precisely remember the moment I decided that I would allow this to become a part of me, and trust the path I found myself on.

 "Gd said, 'Let there be lights in the dome of the sky to divide the day from the night; let them be for signs, seasons, days and years; and let them be for lights in the dome of the sky to give light to the earth; and that is how it was.' " ~Genesis !:14-15

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People ask me, "Do you know what the bible says about astrology? Fortune telling is against Gds word." I even get skeptical looks when I so much as mention astrology. Many people have told me darkly, " You know that stuff is no good right? I don't believe in it."  I've even been told, " Don't talk to me about it!" in a panicky way. Quite a few people actually unfollowed me after this post.

It's really quite amusing. I've grown enough to be able to laugh about it all, though it still saddens me a bit. Am I judging their skepticism or perceptions? Not at all! I was skeptical at one point, and there are still things that trigger skepticism within me. At any rate, I'm firm in what I believe.

What Do I Believe?

A Powerful Essence of Gd Permeates Everything He Created.
in other words
I Believe in the Cosmos

 “Cosmos is a Greek word for the order of the universe. It is, in a way, the opposite of Chaos. It implies the deep interconnectedness of all things. It conveys awe for the intricate and subtle way in which the universe is put together." ~ Carl Sagan

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Astrology is not a set of laws you must obey. Astrology is not a set in stone interpretation of who you are. Astrology is a guide, a map, a useful tool for developing and exploring the potential of your psyche and life. Astrology is systematic,cyclic, and open to each individuals personal interpretation and application. Present but unseen.

It is ESSENCE & ENERGY. 

Astrology is the study and observation of the cosmos {luminaries (sun & moon) & the planets} and how they influence our psyche (mind~heart~spirit~soul) & who we become.

I often tell people when discussing their astrological information, "I'm not going to tell you anything you don't already know. This is all an articulation of what you already know or sense about yourself and your life, or would eventually come to realize."  It's ultimately a tool for self awareness.

Many 'fortune tellers' do use astrology. Many psychologists use astrology. Many practitioners of witchcraft use astrology. Many pagan practitioners use astrology. But it doesn't belong to them. Astrology doesn't belong to anyone. Just like psychology, philosophy, and oh- the air you breathe. 
Astrology, contrary to the impression that many unfortunately have, is not 'magic', is not a religion, and it is not witchcraft or fortune telling. Just like there are different sects of philosophy, psychology, and theology, there are different sects of astrology. 

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 You might think that sounds completely crazy. So does the fact that the moon affects the oceans tides. :) Or it may resonate with you. As I have often expressed to friends & family,  the planets weren't created to just spin up there looking pretty. They must have a purpose, just like all the beautiful & powerful things in our universe that we can't see with the natural eye but that undoubtedly have an affect on us. 

...we're all in this place, spinning in space...

New Moon{Pisces}: Pink Fluffy Clouds, Darts of Disappointment, & IBelieve

Friendships are very important to me. in fact, I even find the word friendship not sufficient for how strongly I feel about them. I consider them relationships. I basically have three types of labels for my interactions whether blood or not.

acquaintance

{a person known to one, but usually not a close friend}

relationship

{a connection or involvement} 

&

family

 {All the underlined words in this post have to do with Pisces moon. And how do I know so well? My moon is in Pisces.}

This is just my perception. When I am attached to someone, I am strongly attached, and I give deeply from myself, in whatever way that can manifest. I am not usually aware of my expectations of reciprocation...until those veiled expectations are disappointed. 

It kind of feels like being on one of those infamous 'pink fluffy clouds' and all of a sudden, I look down and see darts of disappointment shooting upwards and right through my cloud, forcing it to dissolve... 

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This happens much less frequently as I learn to dissolve my expectations before even giving of myself. And asking myself if it's worth it in the first place. And it can be so hard  for me to discern whether it is or not. Because I desire so deeply to have positively intense and lasting connections. Compassionate & Spiritual companionship. Heart to heart, y'know? Moon to moon....

And the worst thing is (to vaguely use the expression, it's definitely not the worst thing)... And the worst thing is, I can't ignore that disappointment,  I can't help feeling hurt when I don't receive what I perceive/feel I'm giving. 

Can I help having those expectations, however small they become? I don't believe I can. Those expectations symbolize my belief in hope. That it can always get better. Sometime it's, "If I see it this way, it'll be better. I'll be more satisfied." Or, " One day they'll realize/grow up/ reciprocate.". And even when I eventually realize that may not be true, I don't let go. I'm already bound. Do I loosen that bind? Absolutely- I can only take so much pain. But it will take something major to break it. 

Am I saying peeps need to love how I do? Give how  I do? Certainly not! But I need to feel like I'm as much a priority for them as they are for me. And that's perfectly fine. That's not something I need to change about myself. It's how I love. I give deeply, I make them a priority, I connect and share. All I'm asking for is peeps who love me back like that. 

In a healthy way. I've tried & tried to get this need for entire reciprocity and  connection met in unhealthy ways-ways that demeaned my dignity, that gave false impressions, that made me feel less, small, belittled. Thankfully, though I can't (and don't want to) change what is a basic need for me, I can change how I go about getting it met, who I connect to, my expectations, and who's worth my love,  

La Luna is our emotions, feelings, receptiveness, connectivity, and inner world, to name a few. Our Moon shows how we comfort and nurture ourselves and others.  There's a quote I've ingrained into my astrology student's minds that explains gives a good idea of the moon. 

"Live by the Sun, Love by the Moon."~ Unknown

   

A New Moon occurs when the Sun & the Moon are right next to each other-conjunct, to use astrological terminology, in the sky. Right now the Sun & Moon are conjunct (next to each other) in Pisces. 

 

This New Moon (fresh, beginnings, [re]birth, renewing, start of a cycle) is occurring in my 7th house(relationships, partnerships,balance between yourself and others,projection). I'm taking this as an opportunity to renew that area of my life. To create fresh intentions, dreamy intentions,  intentions founded on the belief that anything is possible. 

My dreams are possible. My desires can become reality. And even as I create fresh intentions, I'll be releasing (probably for months) all the piles of disappointed illusions&hopes. But I'll continue to believe, to hope, to trust in possibilities. Because that's the motto of Pisces. 

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I Believe 

Full Moon in Leo~ Identity& Self Expression {me,myself,and I}

{I'm currently working on a post talking about the what, how, and why of astrology for me. Until then...}

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Flickr is amazing. I was really hoping to find a photo of the Full Moon in Leo aka our current Full Moon. I wasn't meeting with any success, until somehow, I came across this photo and somehow, noticed it had been taken 3 hours ago. In Moscow. How lovely is that? :) The Full Moon isn't exact until tonight though (EDT).

Leo (the Lion) is ruled by the Sun, therefore it's all about the SELF- the pros and the cons of that. Self Expression, Self Love, Self Purpose, Self Interest, sharing of the Self. The Sun is our core, personality, essence, powerhouse. Just like the literal sun shines and gives us light and that light invests into growth (integration), we each have our own essence,powerhouse,and light within us."Light to the world", anyone? :)

So, with this Full(culmination,illumination,realizations,wholeness,completion)  

Moon (feelings,inner selves, cycles) in  

Leo (expressive,fire,playful, dramatic, integration of personal identity), there's quite a powerful energy of illumination going on. :) 

For me, this energy is going on in my 1st house (identity, appearance,the mask you wear with others,how you appear to them, and your personal perspective). 

You could say that I kinda appear to be a Leo. I have big teeth aka a flashing smile, big hair with natural blonde highlights, and honestly, a big forehead. ;) Ironically, those are the three physical features that have drawn the most attention throughout my entire life. And they're the physical traits Leo's are famous for-especially the hair. :)

I smile a lot (I've even been called "Smiley" -_-), and I appear to others to possess firm self confidence (looks can be deceiving) and openness. Last year when I attended my first ever concert with a dear fried of mine, she pointed out the fact (others have noticed) that I can look prideful and arrogant, as if I'm looking down on everyone else (we both agreed that I'm not actually doing that :p).
In other words, I appear to posses the positive and negative traits of the sign of Leo. I haven't accepted that decided if I really do or not... ;) Though I must admit, my underlying reputation for bossiness...not so deceiving. :p

It's still not really clear to me what this Full Moon will bring me...I've curled my infamous hair because I really wanted to (styling hair= Leo 1st house) though I couldn't do it all because I have so much it'd take forever... Leo's can be impatient, and the 1st house is about our appearance, therefore I'm impatient about my appearance. That explains soooo much...you have no idea.

I've just realized I've unintentionally spent a whole post talking about myself....at least it's appropriately titled, and I can blame it on the moon! ;) 

I'm feeling self confident, like I'm owning myself, and ready for dramatic illumination- positive please!

Where is drama&illumination (positive or negative) arising in your life? How are you feeling? Sunny? Selfish? Awesome? Where's the Fullness taking place? I'd love for you to share (whether or not you're interested in astrology)!!

<3

p.s- I have a feeling I'll be sharing how I've been enlightened sometime later this week...would you like to find out where this energy is activating in your life? Let me know in the comments... :)

Moments&Memories: Psych

I thought I'd try this sublime meme, it'd be good to realize the special moments each week. :)

There have been quite a few memorable moments this week. However, the one that stands out to me the most is yesterday night, when my brother and I joined in the living room to watch the new weekly episode of Psych. One of my dear friends introduced me to Psych, (as she's introduced me to so many awesome things) and unlike many other things I've shared with my brother without peaking his interest, Psych has become a joint excited entertainment for us. Something that brings us together and makes us laugh and gasp. Well, I gasp, he sits there in his airy coolness. ;p Anyway, last night I realized and appreciated the time with my brother. Shared interest's really help to bring two people who are very different together. And as my brother and I get older, I appreciate him more and more.
Sometimes I become afraid that I'll miss out on an awesome relationship with my brother, as the days speed by. Sometimes I feel guilty for not being  a better older sister, and being more encouraging and such. Then I remember that as long as I try to do my best, be my best, it'll be alright. But I forget so often. Do you ever feel guilty because you forget to put some focus on the important things in life?

At least we try to remember...

In case I've dampened your spirits, watch this video. And maybe watch Psych! :D They have it on Netflix.

Dear Society & Boys,

Who are you Society? Well, you're me. You're the next door neighbor. You're that blogger girl I follow. You're that one person I met. We are society. I have the power to send out a message.They have the power to send out a message. Whether it's to friends and family and people in their life, or to the world at large via social media. I mean, without people, there'd be no society. So how do we fight you, Society? The standards, the bar, the ruler, the influence, the pressure? I think we should change. You know, us little people that are apparently separate from the world at large. We should change our perspectives, we should get the message out there as persistently and consistently and as powerfully as social media does. Tell our friends. Tell our family. Tell that one blogger girl and the next door neighbor. That they are beautiful and perfectly imperfect just the way they are, and that no one can define them and...so much more. Live it and love it and show it until we become what people refer to as "society". Humanity is bigger than it's problems. At least for now...

Oh boys. You boys. You fascinating creatures. Please, please, discover a mission to occupy yourself with until you seriously want to get into a serious relationship to enter a serious marriage. Otherwise, it's just playing around, and though you may try to hide it, your hearts are as fragile as ours and we must guard and protect each others hearts. Brothers and sisters, we are the next generation. Let's make a strong, healthy one.

 This post was inspired by Cupcake Dictionary's post. :)

<3

Truth & Belief

Something has happened in the blogging world, a small part of it, the one I circulate in. It was undoubtedly in formulation for quite a while before I disengaged from blogging (due to life), and I wasn't surprised to see it had birthed upon my return.
I want to make one thing clear: this is no one's fault. We must each take accountability for our own implementation or submission to pressure or negative thoughts. And: It's a deeper, more personal problem then it appears to be.

Everyone has their own style of bloggging, that's the entire point. It's a way to express yourself and share with others in many different ways, should you choose. But, as is inevitable, some blog's are more "popular" than others, and this is often attributed to the way that they write, style their blog and posts, and the list is endless. Naturally, some other bloggers may feel a type of "peer pressure". That being said, I'm not here to write about the competition and the bitterness that's cropping up. I'm here to write about the heart of the matter. It's something not only in the blogging atmosphere, but in each and everyone of our lives. No doubt.

"Well, I don't write like that. Is my writing good enough?"
"I don't make my posts like that-they don't look as good. What if people are bored and dislike my style?" 
"My blog design is not that pretty or updated. In fact, it looks ugly compared."
"Nothing interesting happpens in my life. What I write about is of no importance."
 "My blog isn't good enough. My writing isn't good enough. What's the point? What's the purpose?"
 "I'm not important enough to have a blog."

Contrasting.Comparative analysis. 
What does this mean?

You may be comparing yourself to others. You may be contrasting yourself to others. Consciously or unconsciously.  From self worth to the clothes you wear. From your spiritual life to your daily circumstances.

This is sad. This is true.

The sad truth is that the truth is sad. ~Lemony Snicket

Who are you? 
Are you so insignificant that you must gain your self worth from comparing yourself to others as if you are more important or  better than them?
Are you so insignificant that you must diminish your self worth by contrasting yourself to others as if you are unimportant or less than?


Truth. The truth will set you free.

You are a being filled to the brim with heavenly light and potential. Beauty. Strength. Power. Love. 
You are no more than the next person.
You are no less.

We are or are not what we allow and accept ourselves to be. That's where it begins and where it ends. No one else has the power to set our self worth for us.

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.~Eleanor Roosevelt

Comparing and contrasting is usually not just that.
It stems from something deeper.
A belief that you are not enough.
You are not enough.
How incomprehensible.
Is this being ungrateful?
For all He has given us. For all He has birthed in us. For all He has created us to be. For all that we are.
It is all about what you believe. 
That's where it begins and that is where it ends.

What do you believe?

Miscellany Monday: Purpose and the Phoenix

I can't believe it's been more than a month already! October passed in a sort of mist for me, and November is rapidly skipping along. I'm trying to hold on to my sanity while random duties and pleasures surround me, while "bigger" responsibilities and plans, like getting a job, burn in the back of my mind, waiting for action to set the energy into motion.I feel like I need to post, but organizing my thoughts has been my issue this month!  So I'm joining in this meme to make it easier and give me a good excuse to ramble randomly. ;)

What with nothing and something, I still haven't got my driving permit that I studied for 3 years ago. I never really minded because I didn't think it was that important, I didn't really want to get my permit. But recently, some circumstances that could've been alleviated by my ability to drive initiated the urge in me to get my permit as soon as humanly possible. With this additional fire burning in the back of my mind, I was resigned to waiting again, for finances and the right time. Then, without any expectation or even a vague idea, an aunt of mine with whom I've hardly had any contact, sent me a letter with $30, almost precisely the amount I need for my permit. I'm sharing this with whomever reads this so that you may see and be encouraged by how HaShem works on your behalf. :)

By the way I talk about getting my permit, it sounds almost like a life or death situation. :p Being the type of person I am, a Scorpio astrologically, most of the time I need to really want something, or be passionate about it, to act on it. Otherwise I can be indifferent about it, as I was about getting my permit. Knowing this about myself, I know that I have to find inspiration and motivation within my daily life to keep me from becoming indifferent or feeling purposeless when it becomes mundane. While waiting to get a job and for my parent's to take me to fill out applications and such, I sometimes struggle to keep in mind that what I'm doing at home, though not monumental, is still important. I believe in the home and family life, and in being an entrepreneur. While I need to get a job, temporarily, I need to remember that that is not the purpose of my life or my fulfillment and what not.

Whatever I'm doing right now is my life. I am fulfilling my purpose everyday. I am doing what He intended for me to do. I haven't missed my purpose. I'm not waiting for something to come along and give me a mission. Everyday, choosing to love, choosing to live, and choosing to be a light-that is my mission. And however that happens is how it was meant to be. I don't need to invent new ways to do it. Take what you have, be grateful, and do your best with it.

I'm 18 now! So old! I ordered myself a wheelchair as I've been planning to do for years, because I'm quite feeble now. ;) I'm not into the whole, "You're an adult now!". Age is just a number, I've been disillusioned into believing. Nevertheless, it is rather significant in material ways. I can vote, I can order things on those commercials that say "18 or older to order", and I can do other independent shenanigans. It's quite odd really.
I've begun a new journal-I'm attempting to keep to a tradition of completing one and beginning a new one each birthday, which didn't really work out this year. But anyway, it's giving me a reason to really formulate into words some desires and intention I have for this year.

Ultimately, my desire is to continue on the lifetime journey of personifying the Phoenix, the mythical creature that is the highest symbol of the Scorpio, astrologically.

The Phoenix is a bird, a bird of fire, that bursts into flames at the "end" of it's life, and is reborn from the ashes once again. It's symbolic of the cycle of life-death and rebirth, which is what the Scorpio is all about. This was enlightening to  me because it explained why I often feel as if I have "past selves", whether from my childhood or even my teenage years, I go through cycles of rebirth and feel like a different person, yet the same, just like the Phoenix.

 To rid myself of ego, of self, and yet to be empowered in the love and light that HaShem has implanted in me, is one of my deepest and most prevalent desires this year. And I hope the same for all of you. :)
I would like to share this quote which I wrote on an entire page of my new journal.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves,

"Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented,fabulous?"

Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of Gd.Your playing small does not serve the world. 

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of Gd that is within us.

It's not just in some of us;it's in everyone. 

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. 

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

~Marianne Williamson

Blessings!

A Different Chapter

It feels strange...to be writing here again...yet familiar. Very much like the strange familiarity yet complete rediscovery of autumn. :)

For about a year now, blogger and google haven't worked on my computer (heaven knows why). My blogging suffered, but I was so busy it didn't matter much. And then, when I wasn't so busy any longer, I didn't feel like writing. My last post explain a bit of why. I had all these questions and doubts.. the most basic one was,
What's the purpose of my blogging?

I pondered this, but ultimately decided to let it rest, and it would come together at the right time.  I went on with my life, the changes and growths, the pains and joys. I missed blogging to a certain extent, but when I would think about it, those questions still plagued me. Even now, they leave me with a bit of uncertainty...
Recently, I re-read the Anne of Green Gables series by L.M Montgomery. I read the series a few years ago, but I forgot how absolutely delightful and refreshing it is. Though I'm not sure if that's how I thought of it then, but regardless, it was exactly what I needed at this time.

"I'm so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers. It would be terrible if we just skipped from Septermber to November, wouldn't it? Look at these maple branches. Don't they give you a thrill-several thrills?" ~Anne of Green Gables

The constant joy that Anne takes in the simple pleasures and ponderings of life, reminded me of something I had forgotten.  A certain freshness to life that I'd let evaporate. Little perspectives and taking joy that I buried under growing pains and disillusionment, disappointment, care, and distraction.

Somehow, I'm a different person than I was the last time I was blogging steadily. At first I was sad, and it was kind of like saying goodbye to a little sibling of mine, to realize how much I've changed, how much my life has changed, and how many things I miss. Blogging was one of those things, and letting go of expectations, disappointments, the past, and remembering other unexplainable, inexplicable things I'd forgotten, I think has enabled me to return to writing.
I'm only one person, in this enormous world, with a very, very little piece of the puzzle that is this universe, and it's not my place to decide how important my puzzle piece is, but to take care of it and share it with the rest of the world, if I feel led to. And I do! So that's nice, haha.
This is a new adventure- the same book, but a different chapter. And I feel willing to share my own journey again with those of you who care to perhaps gain a little comfort, encouragement, or whatever you'd like,  in my observations on becoming.
I would like to thank my dear readers that have commented during my absence-it means so much to me, and I appreciate it very much!
Blessings!
and Happy October! :)

I have the strangest feeling...hello!

 It's almost like nervousness, excitement, joy, and unexplained fear. I've been gone longer than I ever thought I would be. Three months. Just fathoming all that these past three months have held blows my mind. Slightly on the "I can't believe I made it," level. It feels like its been forever, yet just a day. Isn't that fascinating? Oh, and hello! :)
This year (starting from I'd say this time last year) has been absolutely tough, incredibly new, and of course, because life is, beautiful. Most of all, this past year has been about self realization, becoming a more developed individual-no longer thinking and acting like a child. I have that liberty in fewer areas now.It's called getting old. ;)
 Graduating high school is a rite of passage, but it's a bigger one than I thought it would be. Because now, my job is no longer to study (though I will be doing that), but to pursue whatever it is that I want to do as a living for the rest of my life, at least as I know it now. Taking in hand this responsibility requires much more than just the "work" aspect of it. It's soulful as well. Or at least, it should be.
As young people beginning to develop, not as children but as adults, a phenomenon generations before us have experienced, we must look into ourselves, our hearts, minds, and souls, and decide what is it exactly that we want from life. How do we want to live it? What type of character do we want to have? And are we willing to do the hard work? All these questions for me have meant that I need to stop the work and look into myself. Not outward, not at someone else and definitely not into boxes that I might want to stick myself in to appear a certain way.
Now is the time to take our lives in our hands, with caution, with forethought, with wisdom (parent's and elders can be very helpful in this area), and with soulful action. This is no time for doing things "just to do them". Now is the time to do things that we know we want to do. This can mean different things to different people, therefore I'm not saying you have to go travel Europe or something, though I would like to do that. :) It really is the age of opportunity and it can be one of such power and fulfillment.

 Coming back to blogging is feeling a lot like coming back to myself, since the craziness has calmed down, the urgent hard work is over (for now), and that part is exciting. It's a bit nerve wrecking and scary because I want to really revolutionize my blogging, I want to really write what's in my heart. And that might hurt and be work to get out. But, I'm joyful because I can. And I know HaShem (G-d) has a plan. :) That might involve accidental rhyming. ;) Therefore, I'm very happy to be back and I look forward to getting back in touch with my fellow bloggers!

Today is Tuesday

And what does that signify? Nothing, except that I couldn't come up with a more engaging title. :\ But hopefully the content of this post will make up for me playing the role of Captain Obvious... :)

There's an absolutely lovely giveaway in celebration of the approaching spring that Hannah's hosting on her blog Aspire!!!  

(this time last year)

The weather has been so temperamental-its sunny but cold, its cloudy but it was warm- it's annoying, is what it is. Hopefully March can make up it's mind soon... I don't mind gloomy weather very much but it's rather disappointing when one day you hope spring is here and the next there's that little snowflake symbol glaring at you when you look at the weather forecast for "the week ahead".

I miss my old life-you know, the one where I was care free. Well, I was never care-free, but I was more stress free. :) But, as is completely unexpected normal, (and extremely frustrating at times) the circumstances of my life have changed and it's a new adventure. I only hope I can learn how to live and enjoy it as much as I did former years.

 I often wonder-what is it that made that life so gloriously pleasant? There was nothing extraordinary happening, in fact, everything was rather ordinary. But, as humans have discovered before me, simple pleasures often bring so much more joy then we give them credit for. 

(from summer 2009)

I will add that the weather is contributing to my state of mind. :p These "good times" I miss were all in the warm months. *hinthint* ;) 

Enough dreariness! :) Check out the giveaway if you're interested. If you're not, you  might be, after you check it out. I love commas. ;) 

Blessings!

Experience on Becoming~Jan.31

On Experience~

    I have learned so much about relationships and people in the past year than I had ever anticipated. Instead of obtaining knowledge as I have done all my life through observing others, Torah study, and self help books, I was actually placed in situations (by HaShem, who knows all things) where I had to live out my knowledge to the best of my ability. I can tell you-knowledge is not sufficient. ;) It is necessary for awap (as wise as possible)  decisions, but there is no teacher like experience. :) A chance to "practice what you preach", as it were. :p

For nerds like me that like reading definitions, here's a short but extensive one on the word experience. :)

ex·pe·ri·ence (synonyms:sense,wisdom,understanding,involvement, judgment,maturity,observation,practice)

1.a particular instance of personally encountering or undergoing something.

2.the process or fact of personally observing, encountering, or undergoing something: business experience.

3.the observing, encountering, or undergoing of things generally as they occur in the course of time: to learn from experience; the range of human experience.

4.knowledge or practical wisdom gained from what one has observed, encountered, or undergone: a man of experience.

5.Philosophy . the totality of the cognitions given by perception; all that is perceived, understood, and remembered.

On Knowledge~
    We are only human.We are not perfect. We do not know it all.That being comfortably stated, we can proceed. Gaining knowledge, whether through observation or experience, or both, is something we all do-purposely and inadvertently. No matter how much knowledge we gain, or experience we obtain, there will always be something more to learn, something more to improve-something more. But this is no reason for despair. While we do not know everything, we do or shall know something. At present, we have the responsibility to use what we do know to make decisions. :)

knowl·edge

1.acquaintance with facts, truths, or principles, as from study or investigation; general erudition: knowledge of many things.

2.familiarity or conversance, as with a particular subject or branch of learning.

3.acquaintance or familiarity gained by sight, experience, or report: a knowledge of human nature.

4.the fact or state of knowing; the perception of fact or truth; clear and certain mental apprehension.

5.awareness, as of a fact or circumstance.

6.something that is or may be known; information.

7.the body of truths or facts accumulated in the course of time.

On AWAP~
    I am young. Very young. I do not have much knowledge, and much less experience. But I do know what I have learned from my very little experience or slightly more knowledge, and as a young person beginning to relate to others as a developing individual, I must make use of whatever I do know. Not only is this so I can make decisions as wisely as possible now, but so that I can learn from my mistakes and improve my good decisions for the future. I want to make wise decisions then as well, but they won't be perfect. As wise as possible. That is all they can be.

    I hope this post has been a blessing-I must note that this is what was on my heart today, but I do want to expound on something I said in my last post perhaps later this week. :) Also, the title is just to correspond with my emphasis on experience. Not a permanent arrangement. :) 

Blessings!

Observations on Becoming~ Dec.26

"Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened."— Winston S. Churchill

Truth. This is a small but powerful word. Some people literally shy away from it because they've avoided it in certain areas of their lives. Some people think that it's  whatever pops into their head. Others think it means, simply, not telling lies. But very few think of it as a necessary and desirable component in the whole of every aspect of their lives. 

truth [trooth] ,
–noun, plural truths [troothz, trooths] .
1.the true or actual state of a matter.
2.conformity with fact or reality; verity: the truth of a statement.
3.a verified or indisputable fact, proposition, principle, or the like: mathematical truths.
4.the state or character of being true.
5.actuality or actual existence.
6.an obvious or accepted fact; truism; platitude.
7.honesty; integrity; truthfulness.
8.(often initial capital letter) ideal or fundamental reality apart from and transcending perceived experience: the basic truths of life.
9.agreement with a standard or original.
10.accuracy, as of position or adjustment.
11.Archaic. fidelity or constancy.
—Synonyms 1. fact. 2. veracity. 7. sincerity, candor, frankness. 10. precision, exactness.

Truth is light. Truth is righteousness. Truth is tricky. Not only because there are so many different definitions and perspectives of it, but also because real, unalterable, self-proving truth is hard to get to when you're stuck in a mentality. It's also sometimes hard to face-and hard for other people, who are not personally enlightened, to see. 

"All truth passes through three stages: First, it is ridiculed; Second, it is violently opposed; Third, it is accepted as self-evident."— Arthur Schopenhauer

 
Let me here state what I believe the definition of truth, as I am speaking of it now, to be. I believe that truth means the fact of things-not only physically, but mentally and spiritually.

"8.(often initial capital letter) ideal or fundamental reality apart from and transcending perceived experience: the basic truths of life." 

 For example, it is an unalterable fact that the sun rises everyday. It is also a fact that it is best to say what you mean and mean what you say, otherwise you're being something other than what you are. That is deceptive and eventually disastrous, therefore to be more authentic to yourself- your thoughts,opinions, and most of all beliefs, would be truth. 

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."— Dr. Seuss

It is more difficult than I thought it would be to describe what I mean in my heart- but it's never easy describing abstract things such as truth, love, and faith. 

When we infuse our lives with love, like I talked about in my last post, and with righteousness according to HaShem and His word, our sense of truth becomes stronger, clearer, sharper, easier to articulate, and truly indisputable deep in our hearts- and often the hearts of others. 

Truth must start spiritually in order to come out from the core of ourselves and infuse the other areas of our lives. I've said many times that our thoughts are where everything starts- but I think I may have neglected to say that that is only after we have attended to our core-to our spirituality. That is where everything stems out of. 

"The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it."— Flannery O'Connor

To be continued... :p

Observations on Becoming~Dec.21

Over and over again I've seen my parents work through the worst of themselves and each other together. I've seen the principles of true love-the love you hear about in fairytales- in their marriage. I don't care what the world says or how doubtful people are of it, but true love exists. And, b'ezrat HaShem, I will find it. :)

To infuse my life with love-to make it my life motto-puts things into so much perspective;

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (1 Corinthians 13 on love)

To say you live for or by love is a serious proclamation. It involves changing your whole lifestyle. But like everything else that involves change and building of character-it takes a lifetime. No body is perfect. But one thing is comforting-G-D is love, an the closer we get to Him the more our hearts and lives become more lovable :)

Observations on Becoming~Nov.28

There's so many thoughts I've ha and wanted to share, some revelations as well. But as sometimes happens, when I don't write them down right away I forget them. Or sometimes there's so much I process or think about my mind just goes into overload and I can't think about anything 'deep' very cognicently. But I am ready to write. I've been waiting and waiting for the perfect moment to come- which is basically when I feel inspired. It's actually funny what has inspired me to write- I saw a drawing of a little cartoon character watching the rain out the window and I wanted to write. But it's taken me a couple of days to get to this post.
Joyce Meyer once said-"Self pity is compassion reflected on yourself." I'm paraphrasing here. The instant I heard this I knew it was true; and what's more it was extremely true for me. Even in my childhood I would have pity parties while on the floor of my room cleaning. Of course, everyone is familiar with pity parties and what they entail :) Anyway, that was a revelation for me. I must admit though-I an still deep into self pity-it is one of my 'most inclined' faults. The way I try not to RSVP to a pity party (when I remember not to :p) is to find someone else to be compassionate toasted or something to do that will bless someone else. I got that concept from Louisa May Alcotts book "An sold Fashioned Girl". Polly, the heroine of the story, was feeling bad for herself because she was not rich and popular like the city girls. But while she was siting on the steps thinking about herself, she remembered that her mother always said to do something for someone else when she was feeling sad and it would bring her out of herself. :)
With that preface- something that I have been personally experiencing is that there is pity and there is compassion. Well that is to sat, I have come to a place in my life where pity is feeling bad for myself or another person in a negative way- it makes me feels negative, act negatively, and think negatively. Compassion, on the other hand, moves you in your soul, uplifts you, and moves you towards positive action or positive letting go. I have realized something that I never thought about before- you can't stay on relationships because you either pity yourself and think you have no friends or love, or because you pity the person you're in relationship with and don't want to hurt their feelings. Those are wrong motives for doing anything really-obviously this is more relevant to relationships. :)
One thing that I try to keep in plain sight when it comes to my relationships is-yes, the other persons feelings are important-they're people too-but that's no reason to sacrifice my peace,self respect or dignity, and authenticity. That's why it's important to approach relationships, not from a place of lack but from a place of confidence and humility. But I think that's enough on this aspect of the topic-I could go on and on... :)
Well I must end this post- I promise the surprise will be up soon-though I must warn you-it will most likely be not so surprising :p
Blessings!!!!!!

Observations on Becoming~ Nov. 7

Spanish seasoned chicken is frying and I'm here wandering about the kitchen waiting for a good time to write this weeks post. You know how food is- so needy but so needed. :p I'm actually having a pancake for breakfast since I don't eat meat and there's left over batter. I do eat meat once in a while, especially recently- when there's nothing else substantial to eat. Basically under special circumstances. But I still feel the same way I did almost a year ago now. This year has passed so fast that sometimes looking back it seems like it was yesterday but at the same time it seems like ages ago.
It also seems that for the first time on my life I can look back to this time last year and even earlier thus year and say that I have grown and changed in a positive way.
This season of my life is full of so many different experiences and so much anxious anticipation (not to mention stress and frustration). Now that I'm caught up in school and have re-read the drivers manual (wish there was one of those for my life) I'm aiming at completing my graduation project (wish it didn't have to be a long term thing...ah,wishes....) and getting my permit. I'm also hoping to get a job so I can tend to some monetary things and get backup money for my photography.
A recurring topic in my brain is whether I should go to college straight out of high school or take a year to focus on my photography business as I haven't been able to do. I am 99.9% sure that I'm gonna take a year- the 1% missing in that calculation is the fear that my decision will be wrong. Bit if I do what I know is in my heart (and if I actually listen to my mom) I'll take a year to pursue my passion and then get a degree in secondary English teaching, because I know that that's something I want to do- I feel called to do. Prayers would be appreciated!!!
As long as I pursue love and keep in Him, I shouldn't take these things so seriously... Time flies by so fast, and though decisions do change and direct our lives, HaShem is sovereign and ultimately- everything happens for the best. Three words- FACT, FAITH, FEELING.

Blessings!

Observations on Becoming~October 31

I think that we can all agree it's a good idea if I just post my observations on becoming any day of the week, as long as I do so once  a week. :)But anyway, here I am! I love saying that because it reflects how no matter what we go through, how we change, how life changes and what it brings us, there are places we come back to.

I would like to share some photos of my new diary, given to me by a friend. She made it especially for me and put my own meaningful words on the front and back. Isn't it beautiful?  The front has a quote that I made, which I've shared with you before: "Life should not be measured by it's length, but by the height of the mountains and the depth of the valleys."

The back has what I thought the girl's eyes were saying: "Do random things like create yourself,your art,your world,and love."

So something I was thinking about last week was-sometimes we do miss out on excellent opportunities and exciting amazing experiences but there's always another one coming along somewhere. I'm still waiting for my "coming along" but maybe its in the little things :)

Another thing that I've been meditating on is how I want HaShem to be my focus.We're never going to be perfect but I wish there woul dbe that push of positive change. I just really want more goodness and more HaShem in my life. I'm going to start looking for Him in the crooks, crannies-in the stroke of the brush and the big pictures. I want to infuse myself with Him so others will feel ut. I want to be in His will every second. I want Him to be crystal clear and as sharp. And I don't need to do everything perfectly or live everything in some orderly formulated way for that. But there are some things that make me feel closer and more centered (like praying and reading the Bible, not giving in to my sinful nature, etc), and of course there are rules to be followed to stay moving forward in that place.

My time is up here- indeed I have a lot to tend to today. So I hope you all have a blessed week!

It's been too long...

since I've written! At all! Except for an essay on Beowulf, in my diary so I can complete it by my birthday, and in my mind. ;)

As is customary, I must present to my dear neglected readers at least 3 good excuses, which when thought about, are not good at all, which is tradition as well. So to proceed....

Well, I've entered Senior year! WOOHOO! I'm taking English, Geometry, Psychology, Journalism, Geography Society, Web Design, and I feel like I'm missing something. But you get it. :) So because I am enrolled in a cyber charter school, and late in the year so far, I have to catch up. So I've been busy about that. Also I'm planning some other events and activities, which I'm sure you'll hear about later this year if you're at all interested.

I've also been spending a lot of time outside, enjoying the incredibly wonderful weather, and my insanely beautiful family. G-D has been lovely to me, as always and ever, and I'm just so full of joy, love, and happiness in this season. Of course I'm not without my struggles, fights, and failures, but I know that they don't define my life.

Because at the end of the day, we realize what's important, and its our victories, the love we give and share, and fulfilling our purpose-from doing schoolwork, to graduating, to ministering to others. I've talked before about putting life and things such as family, G-D, etc etc in a box, and not realizing how all the little things matter is putting life into a small small box. :)

"I believe the nicest and sweetest days are not those on which anything very splendid or wonderful or exciting happens, but just those that bring simple little pleasures, following one another softly, like pearls slipping off a string."— L.M. Montgomery

Another thing I've been meditating (a word which here means what I think about when I should be going to bed) is how freeing and incredibly amazing it feels to just let go and let live, truly. Of situations, of the past, of boxes. To let G-D come in and heal, restore, and replace is incredibly beautiful .Surrender is beautiful. Difficult at times, but freeing. It allows you to be free to love. :)
Yes, you can tell I'm behind on my observations on becoming. 

I've been under the weather as well for awhile now, so I've been too sickly to write in my free time, except for now of course. :) But I do fully intend to be more consistent-especially since I am going to, b'ezrat HaShem, be so in all areas of my life, starting November. :)

At present I am beginning to not feel too well, so my brain is shutting down. I must bid you farewell, and hope that this post has blessed you. :)

P.S- Thanks to my new followers and whoever has checked out my interview at (of)HorseFeathers. :)

Observations on Becoming (late)~September 27

 Sukkot-
SO I've been waiting for this joyous holiday for quite some time now-since Rosh Hashana. Why? Well I've felt so much joy and I've had to bottle it up until Sukkot, so that I'd have enough to last me. :) You know, that's the thing about joy-its strong but in it's highest degree, whatever that may be for each individual, it rarely lasts very long. :p Yes, true, deep, inner joy is always inside of us-sometimes deeeeeeeeep down, but it has to be true to always be there. :) And so speaking of it not lasting very long, it didn't. I guess bottling up doesn't work. >_<
Anyway!! Sukkot is the anniversary of Yeshua's birth, the celebration of the new season and harvest (autumn) and a time to remmeber that we're only temporary dweller's in this world-everything is temporary.
What are you holding on too tight to in your life, that you need to let go of this new year? Or at this time in your life?
For me-I don't know what I need to let go of just yet. But I do know it is time to start some new things. Like a job to get my photography off the ground, and outside activities like volunteer work. Yuppers. :) 

Constantly Swinging

copyright Simply Natural Photography

Long story short, I wasn't able to put my signature on the photo, please excuse the weird title and do not copy the picture. :) 

One day, I'll be sitting on a bench (preferably a swinging bench like the one above-I love swings) with my besheret (soul mate, the one G-D has chosen for me), laughing and loving and being happy. But for now, my job is to save myself-emotions, thoughts, body, and love, for him. 

It's no coincidence that there are thousands of teen pregnancies, and that when people hit the teen years they begin to be interested in the opposite sex. This is a time of physical and mental development, and a time of hormones and what not, really. :p It becomes critical to have physical and emotional boundaries, because though we are becoming adults, we are not fully matured mentally or physically. (Of course there are exceptions now and then-but I'm speaking generally, and as usual, from my experience and opinion :p)

It is important as young ladies to know what we want in a husband, and have an idea of what G-D wants for us to have in a husband. Anyone who doesn't "fit the bill", if I'm saying that correctly, shouldn't be given a second thought as an eligible mate. And those who we think are or might be eligible, we need to be very careful with ourselves that we don't start making our own plans or giving our hearts away, because unless we're absolutely sure that G-D's pointed out the one, we never know. Mr.Darcy, or should I say, Jane Austen, was perfectly right-

"A lady's imagination jumps from admiration to love, and from love to matrimony in a moment."

We need to guard our thoughts. I cannot emphasize this enough. In all my purity posts, I always place the greatest importance on thoughts. That's where everything begins. Remember, its natural to feel attraction and etc, but that doesn't mean we should run with it. 

And with all the advertising and influences out there to date and go with your physical attractions and emotions, its hard to stay focused. Focused on saving ourselves, on worshiping HaShem with all our hearts, soul, and might, and on preparing ourselves for our futures.

What is a besheret? Its your soul mate! Yes, there is such a thing! You cannot just marry anyone-G-D has set apart a person for you and you for a person. A match made in heaven, a divine match, meant to be, perfect for each other-all those expressions are true and possible. We have to wait for the person that makes them actual.

There's a person who's personality, calling in life, likes and dislikes, passions and dare I say it, looks, compliment and match ours. Yes, there will be differences, but they are to be worked out, not given up on. No two people are exactly alike. In my family, it is our belief that in a marriage, there must be complete agreement in politics,parenting, religion, and all those important fundamental principals and issues. Now whether he likes broccoli and you don't really doesn't matter. :p

Don't give up-in marriage, before marriage- it will sometimes be as hard in a relationship as it is waiting for one. There is no savior or salvation from natural life problems. No escape-we are constantly being molded and changed-developed and matured. We are and always will be constantly becoming.

What....is a strange word

I'm trying to think of why it is that every time I write an observations on becoming post in which I don't know what to write about, it happens that later that night something occurs that makes me wish I hadn't already written. But at the same time I'm kind of glad it happens that way, because then I post more often. :)  Today I want to share an excerpt from my diary-written on earlier this week. The reason I'm getting straight from my diary is 'cause its already written and I don't have to put it into words again. :p


Sunday, Sep.19,10
What am I doing? What do I have to show for each day? What did I accomplish? I didn't even pray, work hard, or bless anyone. I really want to make each day meaningful. Because I'm not engaged in any [outside] activities, I need to be about more serious business [in the home].

• Using my demeanor for HaShem's glory and to bless others.
• Using my words to honor G-D and encourage and edify others.
• Using my actions to help and bless others and push myself forward.
• Praying and reading everyday.

Yes, I write bullet point lists in my diary.What can I say, they're addictive :p Anyway, the point of all that , or better said, where all that came from, is the place of feeling that my life is meaningless right now, and aimless, just because it doesn't "look" like some ideal that I must have hidden in my heart. This is important because waiting for this ideal to take form, or trying to make it happen, are both impossible and dangerous things-fighting the flow.

I have to accept my life how it is, make the best of it, and love it and live in it. And the most important part of all this is doing all that towards and of myself as well. Although my life isn't all about  me, I decide how it is lived and how I look at it, and to do both of those things to please G-D, I need to work on myself-line myself up with His will for me and what I desire my life to be.Not other than what it is, but within what it is. And I feel like I just confused myself and everyone. :p  
 
How can I let an ideal define what my life is? what I am? How can I let a person define what my life is? Who I am? What wrong! What lies! What exclamations! Yeah my life's not a perfect fairytale or something-but WHATEVER!!!!!!! I don't have a busy social life, I'm not hip or modern (maybe just a bit :p) I'm not "in the world" or cool or your average teen. I never will be! Especially after I leave the teen years. :p

Listen dear girls, don't doubt your beautiful neshama (soul), don't allow anyone or anything, even yourself, to make you feel worthless or unimportant or anything with an "un" before it or "less" after it. :) Love yourself because G-D first loved you, and then love others as yourself. You can't do that till you love yourself, obviously. :p