Friendships are very important to me. in fact, I even find the word friendship not sufficient for how strongly I feel about them. I consider them relationships. I basically have three types of labels for my interactions whether blood or not.
acquaintance
{a person known to one, but usually not a close friend}
relationship
{a connection or involvement}
&
family
{All the underlined words in this post have to do with Pisces moon. And how do I know so well? My moon is in Pisces.}
This is just my perception. When I am attached to someone, I am strongly attached, and I give deeply from myself, in whatever way that can manifest. I am not usually aware of my expectations of reciprocation...until those veiled expectations are disappointed.
It kind of feels like being on one of those infamous 'pink fluffy clouds' and all of a sudden, I look down and see darts of disappointment shooting upwards and right through my cloud, forcing it to dissolve...
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This happens much less frequently as I learn to dissolve my expectations before even giving of myself. And asking myself if it's worth it in the first place. And it can be so hard for me to discern whether it is or not. Because I desire so deeply to have positively intense and lasting connections. Compassionate & Spiritual companionship. Heart to heart, y'know? Moon to moon....
And the worst thing is (to vaguely use the expression, it's definitely not the worst thing)... And the worst thing is, I can't ignore that disappointment, I can't help feeling hurt when I don't receive what I perceive/feel I'm giving.
Can I help having those expectations, however small they become? I don't believe I can. Those expectations symbolize my belief in hope. That it can always get better. Sometime it's, "If I see it this way, it'll be better. I'll be more satisfied." Or, " One day they'll realize/grow up/ reciprocate.". And even when I eventually realize that may not be true, I don't let go. I'm already bound. Do I loosen that bind? Absolutely- I can only take so much pain. But it will take something major to break it.
Am I saying peeps need to love how I do? Give how I do? Certainly not! But I need to feel like I'm as much a priority for them as they are for me. And that's perfectly fine. That's not something I need to change about myself. It's how I love. I give deeply, I make them a priority, I connect and share. All I'm asking for is peeps who love me back like that.
In a healthy way. I've tried & tried to get this need for entire reciprocity and connection met in unhealthy ways-ways that demeaned my dignity, that gave false impressions, that made me feel less, small, belittled. Thankfully, though I can't (and don't want to) change what is a basic need for me, I can change how I go about getting it met, who I connect to, my expectations, and who's worth my love,
La Luna is our emotions, feelings, receptiveness, connectivity, and inner world, to name a few. Our Moon shows how we comfort and nurture ourselves and others. There's a quote I've ingrained into my astrology student's minds that explains gives a good idea of the moon.
"Live by the Sun, Love by the Moon."~ Unknown
A New Moon occurs when the Sun & the Moon are right next to each other-conjunct, to use astrological terminology, in the sky. Right now the Sun & Moon are conjunct (next to each other) in Pisces.
This New Moon (fresh, beginnings, [re]birth, renewing, start of a cycle) is occurring in my 7th house(relationships, partnerships,balance between yourself and others,projection). I'm taking this as an opportunity to renew that area of my life. To create fresh intentions, dreamy intentions, intentions founded on the belief that anything is possible.
My dreams are possible. My desires can become reality. And even as I create fresh intentions, I'll be releasing (probably for months) all the piles of disappointed illusions&hopes. But I'll continue to believe, to hope, to trust in possibilities. Because that's the motto of Pisces.
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I Believe
