It's Just Goodbye {this is not an April Fool's post}

first true photo I ever used on this blog

 Dear fellow stalkers, readers, bloggers, beautiful essences of light & awesomeness,
 I hope I've got your attention, because I do have some rather important news. For quite a while I've considered changing the URL address of my blog. It's completely not the name or relevant to my blog, & I just feel its time for a change. So to all my precious committed stalkers, if you could transfer your affections to my new URL, I'd be beyond thrilled. I won't be deleting this blog, for various reasons, so there's no deadline.
This URL (and all it's old posts) reminds me of why I started a blog in the first place, & I'm so grateful for what it's meant in my life. Please join me lovelies!

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the Universe in You {astrology}

 {I'm not in the slightest trying to convince anyone. You may comment with your perspective and questions, or you may think it's complete rubbish. You may think I'm mental (fact:I AM). Either way, I'm probably going to pop some bubbles & present some perspective. If you're not ready or willing for either of those things, you should probably press that little 'x' up there. ;} 

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One spring day in 2011, I was surfing the internet & came across a site with detailed descriptions of the astrological signs. It's a vague recollection, but I somehow ended up reading my sign (Scorpio), and I was absolutely astounded by the accuracy of the articulation. It was like everything I'd ever felt,thought, & realized about myself was articulated. It positively spiraled and blossomed, and a few months later I had fallen in love with what has become a transformational & fulfilling passion in my life. The moment of introduction may be vague, but I precisely remember the moment I decided that I would allow this to become a part of me, and trust the path I found myself on.

 "Gd said, 'Let there be lights in the dome of the sky to divide the day from the night; let them be for signs, seasons, days and years; and let them be for lights in the dome of the sky to give light to the earth; and that is how it was.' " ~Genesis !:14-15

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People ask me, "Do you know what the bible says about astrology? Fortune telling is against Gds word." I even get skeptical looks when I so much as mention astrology. Many people have told me darkly, " You know that stuff is no good right? I don't believe in it."  I've even been told, " Don't talk to me about it!" in a panicky way. Quite a few people actually unfollowed me after this post.

It's really quite amusing. I've grown enough to be able to laugh about it all, though it still saddens me a bit. Am I judging their skepticism or perceptions? Not at all! I was skeptical at one point, and there are still things that trigger skepticism within me. At any rate, I'm firm in what I believe.

What Do I Believe?

A Powerful Essence of Gd Permeates Everything He Created.
in other words
I Believe in the Cosmos

 “Cosmos is a Greek word for the order of the universe. It is, in a way, the opposite of Chaos. It implies the deep interconnectedness of all things. It conveys awe for the intricate and subtle way in which the universe is put together." ~ Carl Sagan

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Astrology is not a set of laws you must obey. Astrology is not a set in stone interpretation of who you are. Astrology is a guide, a map, a useful tool for developing and exploring the potential of your psyche and life. Astrology is systematic,cyclic, and open to each individuals personal interpretation and application. Present but unseen.

It is ESSENCE & ENERGY. 

Astrology is the study and observation of the cosmos {luminaries (sun & moon) & the planets} and how they influence our psyche (mind~heart~spirit~soul) & who we become.

I often tell people when discussing their astrological information, "I'm not going to tell you anything you don't already know. This is all an articulation of what you already know or sense about yourself and your life, or would eventually come to realize."  It's ultimately a tool for self awareness.

Many 'fortune tellers' do use astrology. Many psychologists use astrology. Many practitioners of witchcraft use astrology. Many pagan practitioners use astrology. But it doesn't belong to them. Astrology doesn't belong to anyone. Just like psychology, philosophy, and oh- the air you breathe. 
Astrology, contrary to the impression that many unfortunately have, is not 'magic', is not a religion, and it is not witchcraft or fortune telling. Just like there are different sects of philosophy, psychology, and theology, there are different sects of astrology. 

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 You might think that sounds completely crazy. So does the fact that the moon affects the oceans tides. :) Or it may resonate with you. As I have often expressed to friends & family,  the planets weren't created to just spin up there looking pretty. They must have a purpose, just like all the beautiful & powerful things in our universe that we can't see with the natural eye but that undoubtedly have an affect on us. 

...we're all in this place, spinning in space...

New Moon{Pisces}: Pink Fluffy Clouds, Darts of Disappointment, & IBelieve

Friendships are very important to me. in fact, I even find the word friendship not sufficient for how strongly I feel about them. I consider them relationships. I basically have three types of labels for my interactions whether blood or not.

acquaintance

{a person known to one, but usually not a close friend}

relationship

{a connection or involvement} 

&

family

 {All the underlined words in this post have to do with Pisces moon. And how do I know so well? My moon is in Pisces.}

This is just my perception. When I am attached to someone, I am strongly attached, and I give deeply from myself, in whatever way that can manifest. I am not usually aware of my expectations of reciprocation...until those veiled expectations are disappointed. 

It kind of feels like being on one of those infamous 'pink fluffy clouds' and all of a sudden, I look down and see darts of disappointment shooting upwards and right through my cloud, forcing it to dissolve... 

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This happens much less frequently as I learn to dissolve my expectations before even giving of myself. And asking myself if it's worth it in the first place. And it can be so hard  for me to discern whether it is or not. Because I desire so deeply to have positively intense and lasting connections. Compassionate & Spiritual companionship. Heart to heart, y'know? Moon to moon....

And the worst thing is (to vaguely use the expression, it's definitely not the worst thing)... And the worst thing is, I can't ignore that disappointment,  I can't help feeling hurt when I don't receive what I perceive/feel I'm giving. 

Can I help having those expectations, however small they become? I don't believe I can. Those expectations symbolize my belief in hope. That it can always get better. Sometime it's, "If I see it this way, it'll be better. I'll be more satisfied." Or, " One day they'll realize/grow up/ reciprocate.". And even when I eventually realize that may not be true, I don't let go. I'm already bound. Do I loosen that bind? Absolutely- I can only take so much pain. But it will take something major to break it. 

Am I saying peeps need to love how I do? Give how  I do? Certainly not! But I need to feel like I'm as much a priority for them as they are for me. And that's perfectly fine. That's not something I need to change about myself. It's how I love. I give deeply, I make them a priority, I connect and share. All I'm asking for is peeps who love me back like that. 

In a healthy way. I've tried & tried to get this need for entire reciprocity and  connection met in unhealthy ways-ways that demeaned my dignity, that gave false impressions, that made me feel less, small, belittled. Thankfully, though I can't (and don't want to) change what is a basic need for me, I can change how I go about getting it met, who I connect to, my expectations, and who's worth my love,  

La Luna is our emotions, feelings, receptiveness, connectivity, and inner world, to name a few. Our Moon shows how we comfort and nurture ourselves and others.  There's a quote I've ingrained into my astrology student's minds that explains gives a good idea of the moon. 

"Live by the Sun, Love by the Moon."~ Unknown

   

A New Moon occurs when the Sun & the Moon are right next to each other-conjunct, to use astrological terminology, in the sky. Right now the Sun & Moon are conjunct (next to each other) in Pisces. 

 

This New Moon (fresh, beginnings, [re]birth, renewing, start of a cycle) is occurring in my 7th house(relationships, partnerships,balance between yourself and others,projection). I'm taking this as an opportunity to renew that area of my life. To create fresh intentions, dreamy intentions,  intentions founded on the belief that anything is possible. 

My dreams are possible. My desires can become reality. And even as I create fresh intentions, I'll be releasing (probably for months) all the piles of disappointed illusions&hopes. But I'll continue to believe, to hope, to trust in possibilities. Because that's the motto of Pisces. 

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I Believe 

An Immense Gift & Book Cub

I so enjoy sharing my passions with other people-especially my family and younger generations. Therefore I was immensely pleased to create a little book club for two of my little girl cousins last autumn. It's been going quite well- one of the main purposes was to improve their reading skills, and this has slowly but surely been taking effect (to my joy-I was rather surprised,as I usually am when things turn out exactly as they were planned ;).

I'm also teaching them to embroider during book club, and when we finish our second(current) book, we'll have a little tea party. I've made them embroidered bags for their little projects in celebration of completing our first book which we recently finished...Little House on the Prairie  by Laura Ingalls Wilder. It was one of my childhood favorites, and I will eternally treasure the opportunity to explore it with them. Last week we began Charlotte's Web by E.B White, another childhood book that impressed me deeply.

It nurtures my soul on so many levels to be able to share my love for reading with them, and to encourage them to love it themselves.The lack of familiarity with literature-with written word in general, is absolutely tragic and, in my opinion, revolting. How kids these days are making it through school when they can't even spell past 4th grade level is beyond me...oh wait, many of them aren't....

Reading isn't just a "sit with this book for half an hour just so you don't spend all day on electronics" kinda thing (at least it shouldn't be. I read an article once about how parent's today often use reading as a punishment or restriction. How depressing!). Reading Is adventure, thrills, education, expansion- it does more than just entertain. It teaches. It improves. What more could a person ask for? To be able to be immensely entertained  and improve your vocabulary all at the same time, for free! Who wouldn't want that? ;p  Just like who wouldn't want my lame jokes....

Reading has been an enormous gift to me, and I'm on fire about giving that gift to all the little people (and big people,though they tend to be more resistant :p) I can. In the present, I'm satisfied with my little book club, but maybe it'll manifest in bigger ways in future...who knows? I'm open. :) 

{My eldest book clubee has actually made her own little corner of the blogiverse for her bookish observations.}

Full Moon in Leo~ Identity& Self Expression {me,myself,and I}

{I'm currently working on a post talking about the what, how, and why of astrology for me. Until then...}

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Flickr is amazing. I was really hoping to find a photo of the Full Moon in Leo aka our current Full Moon. I wasn't meeting with any success, until somehow, I came across this photo and somehow, noticed it had been taken 3 hours ago. In Moscow. How lovely is that? :) The Full Moon isn't exact until tonight though (EDT).

Leo (the Lion) is ruled by the Sun, therefore it's all about the SELF- the pros and the cons of that. Self Expression, Self Love, Self Purpose, Self Interest, sharing of the Self. The Sun is our core, personality, essence, powerhouse. Just like the literal sun shines and gives us light and that light invests into growth (integration), we each have our own essence,powerhouse,and light within us."Light to the world", anyone? :)

So, with this Full(culmination,illumination,realizations,wholeness,completion)  

Moon (feelings,inner selves, cycles) in  

Leo (expressive,fire,playful, dramatic, integration of personal identity), there's quite a powerful energy of illumination going on. :) 

For me, this energy is going on in my 1st house (identity, appearance,the mask you wear with others,how you appear to them, and your personal perspective). 

You could say that I kinda appear to be a Leo. I have big teeth aka a flashing smile, big hair with natural blonde highlights, and honestly, a big forehead. ;) Ironically, those are the three physical features that have drawn the most attention throughout my entire life. And they're the physical traits Leo's are famous for-especially the hair. :)

I smile a lot (I've even been called "Smiley" -_-), and I appear to others to possess firm self confidence (looks can be deceiving) and openness. Last year when I attended my first ever concert with a dear fried of mine, she pointed out the fact (others have noticed) that I can look prideful and arrogant, as if I'm looking down on everyone else (we both agreed that I'm not actually doing that :p).
In other words, I appear to posses the positive and negative traits of the sign of Leo. I haven't accepted that decided if I really do or not... ;) Though I must admit, my underlying reputation for bossiness...not so deceiving. :p

It's still not really clear to me what this Full Moon will bring me...I've curled my infamous hair because I really wanted to (styling hair= Leo 1st house) though I couldn't do it all because I have so much it'd take forever... Leo's can be impatient, and the 1st house is about our appearance, therefore I'm impatient about my appearance. That explains soooo much...you have no idea.

I've just realized I've unintentionally spent a whole post talking about myself....at least it's appropriately titled, and I can blame it on the moon! ;) 

I'm feeling self confident, like I'm owning myself, and ready for dramatic illumination- positive please!

Where is drama&illumination (positive or negative) arising in your life? How are you feeling? Sunny? Selfish? Awesome? Where's the Fullness taking place? I'd love for you to share (whether or not you're interested in astrology)!!

<3

p.s- I have a feeling I'll be sharing how I've been enlightened sometime later this week...would you like to find out where this energy is activating in your life? Let me know in the comments... :)

Full Moon- Working and My Subconscious

Full Moon=harvest,wholeness,enlightenment and illumination.

When my mother (you should really follow that link and watch the video, it ties in hugely with this post- and it was filmed on my bed :) first told me that I'd need to get a job when I finished high school, I was devastated. It was devastating for both of us, because it wasn't part of our plans. We believe in entrepreneurship. I have already  made money from my photography business, and I'd previously dismissed the idea of having to get a job. Perhaps that was an unrealistic expectation for my situation-my parent's can't entirely support my business, and I need money for it to grow and even to become more financially independent.

Have you ever been faced with a reality you didn't want to accept, and yet knew you must? Have you ever felt deep down (deeeeeeeep doooooooooown) that it was the right thing anyway, and for the best? 

I've had to accept and embrace this reality- and it's been a long, slow burning, and deep process. Not only cause I didn't want to get a job, but because it brought up a lot of questions-and insecurities.

Does this mean everything I did before is worthless?

Have I failed myself, my own expectations?

Am I going against my own personal values and principals?

What are other people going to think or say? 

What if I make a mistake? 

What if this is the wrong path?

What is it that I really want to do?

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN!?

It's amazing how such a practical area of life can be so connected to you, inside. Because everything we do is connected in some way to us. (Truth&Belief)
I had to accept this challenge of course. I had to change my perspective majorly. To see it as a step towards fulfilling my true hopes and goals, and as an opportunity rather than a hinderance has been much more difficult than I could have imagined.
After many recent talks with me mum, who's amazing and awesome and knows me so well, all these negative emotions- all this fear and resistance I had- came to surface. And I still didn't want to face it. To deal with it. I'm sure you know how that feels-on a smaller scale, it's like not wanting to face that dirty sink. Oh dear, it's so much like that.

observations of the universe (astrology)... 

Finally, as the Full Moon in Cancer(sign of the moon, home, family, coziness,nostalgia, mood swings...) approached (it was last night in the East Coast), my feelings (the moon is about emotions) came to surface- and this time, I had to deal with them. I actually wanted to. I was tired of resisting and being miserable whenever the word "job" was mentioned. This Full Moon took place in my astrological twelfth house of the subconscious, of self defeating behaviors, of spiritual connection and dreams.
I was definitely engaging in a self defeating behavior concerning getting a job. But when the sky(aka Hashem aka Gd) placed emphasis on this house, and therefore on the opposite house-the 6th, (that has to do with work and service and daily life) where the Sun is currently (in Capricorn, the sign of maturity, career, ambition, and more hard work)- it all came to a culmination of sorts. I was ready- I am ready to let go of the self defeating emotions and behaviors.

Yes, it's still scary, I'm still afraid, and it'll continue to be a process (what isn't?! Cause I'd like to join that club). But I'm going to change my perspective, I'm going to open myself to opportunity, and I'm not going to run and hide anymore. I'm going to do it afraid.

"Courage is not the absence of fear. It is acting in spite of it."~Mark Twain

Blessings!
p.s- You may have noticed that I've mentioned astrology before- it's become a passion of mine! I'm constantly learning more about it. I'm sure some of you may have no idea, or a negative perception of astrology, and I think I may do a post explaining my perspective on it in the near future. Meanwhile, feel absolutely free to ask ANY questions! I'm open to honest questions if  you're open to honest answers. :D