Full Moon- Working and My Subconscious

Full Moon=harvest,wholeness,enlightenment and illumination.

When my mother (you should really follow that link and watch the video, it ties in hugely with this post- and it was filmed on my bed :) first told me that I'd need to get a job when I finished high school, I was devastated. It was devastating for both of us, because it wasn't part of our plans. We believe in entrepreneurship. I have already  made money from my photography business, and I'd previously dismissed the idea of having to get a job. Perhaps that was an unrealistic expectation for my situation-my parent's can't entirely support my business, and I need money for it to grow and even to become more financially independent.

Have you ever been faced with a reality you didn't want to accept, and yet knew you must? Have you ever felt deep down (deeeeeeeep doooooooooown) that it was the right thing anyway, and for the best? 

I've had to accept and embrace this reality- and it's been a long, slow burning, and deep process. Not only cause I didn't want to get a job, but because it brought up a lot of questions-and insecurities.

Does this mean everything I did before is worthless?

Have I failed myself, my own expectations?

Am I going against my own personal values and principals?

What are other people going to think or say? 

What if I make a mistake? 

What if this is the wrong path?

What is it that I really want to do?

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN!?

It's amazing how such a practical area of life can be so connected to you, inside. Because everything we do is connected in some way to us. (Truth&Belief)
I had to accept this challenge of course. I had to change my perspective majorly. To see it as a step towards fulfilling my true hopes and goals, and as an opportunity rather than a hinderance has been much more difficult than I could have imagined.
After many recent talks with me mum, who's amazing and awesome and knows me so well, all these negative emotions- all this fear and resistance I had- came to surface. And I still didn't want to face it. To deal with it. I'm sure you know how that feels-on a smaller scale, it's like not wanting to face that dirty sink. Oh dear, it's so much like that.

observations of the universe (astrology)... 

Finally, as the Full Moon in Cancer(sign of the moon, home, family, coziness,nostalgia, mood swings...) approached (it was last night in the East Coast), my feelings (the moon is about emotions) came to surface- and this time, I had to deal with them. I actually wanted to. I was tired of resisting and being miserable whenever the word "job" was mentioned. This Full Moon took place in my astrological twelfth house of the subconscious, of self defeating behaviors, of spiritual connection and dreams.
I was definitely engaging in a self defeating behavior concerning getting a job. But when the sky(aka Hashem aka Gd) placed emphasis on this house, and therefore on the opposite house-the 6th, (that has to do with work and service and daily life) where the Sun is currently (in Capricorn, the sign of maturity, career, ambition, and more hard work)- it all came to a culmination of sorts. I was ready- I am ready to let go of the self defeating emotions and behaviors.

Yes, it's still scary, I'm still afraid, and it'll continue to be a process (what isn't?! Cause I'd like to join that club). But I'm going to change my perspective, I'm going to open myself to opportunity, and I'm not going to run and hide anymore. I'm going to do it afraid.

"Courage is not the absence of fear. It is acting in spite of it."~Mark Twain

Blessings!
p.s- You may have noticed that I've mentioned astrology before- it's become a passion of mine! I'm constantly learning more about it. I'm sure some of you may have no idea, or a negative perception of astrology, and I think I may do a post explaining my perspective on it in the near future. Meanwhile, feel absolutely free to ask ANY questions! I'm open to honest questions if  you're open to honest answers. :D