formerly Akeret haBayit in Training

Monday, August 30, 2010

Crazy Beautiful Mess

I'll admit it. I really don't feel like doing anything. I've been in the mood (for weeks) where I can quote Pumba and say, "After a long day of doing nothing, its feels good to kick back and relax." I think the only way I'm going to get over this is if I admit it, and accept where I'm at right now. Because I've been trying to fight it-but another thing and one comes along to knock me right back down. And I don't think the moral is, "Keep getting up", I think the moral to this story is, "Stop fighting the flow". So that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to take things one little step at a time, as much as it kills me, and do what comes along, without beating myself up about not doing something every single second of every day.
And granted, I'm better at doing this than I was when I was younger, but every now and then I realize that there's still ground to be conquered in this area. You know how just when you think you've overcome something, and you have one less fault to battle, the biggest test of all comes along and shows you that you're not perfect? "Pride comes before the fall". That is so true.
I'm generally not a prideful person- I can be self righteous and as Severus Snape would have it, "an insufferable know it all". But in truth, I'm on a journey to become humble, without having  a lack of self confidence, which I can also tend to suffer from. See, there's a balance. You can be humble without being a pushover, and you can have self confidence without being conceited. But isn't 'finding the balance' a goal in all area of life? At least, its mine. And may G-D help me!

On a lighter note, August is almost over, my life is a crazy beautiful mess, and I'm learning to go with it. Because if I fight the crazy mess, I just might miss the beautiful in-between. Yeah ,that was definitely a lighter note :P

blessings to all!


  1. What an elequent post! It reminds me all over again of how much I've missed your posts, and how much I need them! You packed soo much wisdom into those few
    My life is crazy-busy, has been all Summer, and looks like it will be all Fall. But you opened my eyes to realize that somewhere in between crazy and mess, there is always something beautiful, begging to be noticed.
    Blessings and prayers,

  2. You are so much like your mom. Lucky for you, in this case, that's an awesome thing. So thought-full. Can be crazy to have minds such as ours, always thinking and rooting around, but with hearts like ours, a lot of good comes from it. Allowing one's self to "do nothing", just enjoy the time, relax, regroup, just be - when our natural state is to "ACCOMPLISH" - is a challenge....a test (don't tell your mom I used the word test - heehee) and actually hard work (don't tell her I said work either). Isn't that funny? relaxing is hard work. You are not alone in this boat sister, there are many of us, including me.

    Just cause I also am "an insufferable know it all" (oh God keep me out of pride), I have this to say.

    You are:

    pumping blood
    releasing toxins
    producing heat
    moving (even if all you do is scratch your butt :)
    going through
    developing your-amazing-self
    doing a work in-side (which is sometime more important than doing a work out-side)
    and doing many more things I didn't list here.

    "Now we wait?"

    "No, we breathe, we pulse, we regenerate...our hearts beat, our minds create, our souls ingest. 37 seconds well used is a lifetime." Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium


    Life is crazy cool love. ;) So are you!!



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