formerly Akeret haBayit in Training

Thursday, January 7, 2010

Purity Conclusion

Some of you may have read or read me mention my purity post series. And you may notice that I never continued or finished them . Well, here is my conclusion and wrap up.

Purpose of Purity

First of all, for the sake of re-establishment, and for those who are unfamiliar with the concept of purity, I will write a quick introduction. Throughout this thing I will grab from my previous post.(look under the Purity label in the tag cloud on the sidebar)

I made a decision to keep my thoughts,speech,emotions,actions,and heart pure,to glorify Hashem, and to make my relationship with my future husband even more special. I must make a confession, and say that I decided to do this only after, most unfortunately, I had already given away parts of my heart and some of the arguably more minor firsts. But G-d is more powerful than our failings. And He redeemed and purified me. And though this does not diminish fact, He looks at our hearts and our future, and does not hold our past against us if we do teshuvah (repent and turn away).
You have probably heard of the concept, or idea, of a girl keeping herself emotionally and/or physically pure for her future husband.Indeed, this is not a new idea. In fact, it was the normal or proper thing before dating was introduced.
What exactly does purity mean(in this case)? Well, I'll give you my own personal definition/guidline to purity. It may seem strict, but it is vital to me, to emotional and physical purity.

1- Abstaining from thinking obsessively about boys or young men you might be attracted to (preferably not at all).
2-Abstaining from speaking about boys you might be attracted to, inappropriately or obsessively.
3-Surrendering to Hashem any emotions or thoughts you might have (this is the most important one).
4-Keeping yourself chaste,sober, and shamefaced, yet with the joy and love of Abba flowing through you,when around boys you might be attracted to.Even when you are not around them :)There must be balance.
5-Keeping your heart pure by not giving away any pieces of it. you give away pieces by doing the things listed above, or not doing them. But the biggest thing with this is your imagination and thoughts. Those lead to feelings, and so forth. here is a little visual I made of this.
6- Abstaining from physical contact.A good book on that is The Magic Touch by Gila Manolson.

Keeping your Thoughts Pure

As demonstrated in the visual above, thoughts begin the cycle. I recently came upon a new concept. If a thought comes to your head- you don't have to think it! Really, if you have enough self control, you can cast thoughts from you , and decide what you think.
1- Abstaining from thinking obsessively about boys or young men you might be attracted to (preferably not at all).
Thoughts are important, thoughts and imaginations (come on, you know we imagine the moonlight walks and the park proposals). Because, as previously stated (lol) , they lead to everything else. Do you think that if you don't think about a certain person, you will feel for them? I stress this because sometimes its hard to understand the connection. I personally believe that it doesn't make sense to not get physically involved with boys , if you are going to be mentally, emotionally, and/or verbally involved. It is equally important to keep yourself emotionally,mentally and verbally pure, and sometimes we don't understand that. The question to ask yourself is," Am I committed enough to living a pure life to keep a diligent watch in this area, however insignificant it may seem?"I am not saying it is wrong to think about getting married, or your future spouse, but thinking about it too much creates a problem.We must be balanced young ladies, in all areas.Confide in your parents, and you will live a happier life.Really , it is not overrated.In fact,it's underrated. I have found so many wonderful blessings in telling my mother everything, and being open with my father.It is inexpressible.I encourage you to take the path of purity, and it will be worth it. If when the thoughts begin, you confide in a parent or guardian, then it will most likely not go far. A good way to monitor your thoughts is this- would I be ashamed to say this out loud? To my parents? To HaShem? If He is always watching us and knows our thought, that should be enough to help us keep them pure.

Keeping your Emotions Pure
Emotions emotions emotions. These are sneaky , unstable things. Don't rely or follow them!!!! Treat them as dust ! We as young people do not know the power real love has, and these emotions are a facade, or artificial. With that said, now I must say, control them, confide them, and don't act by them. That is all I have to say about this. Ok, ok. Emotions do have a place , it is just not with crushes or in the foundation of life. Feelings are important to have, but we do need to exercise self control over them.

Keeping your Actions and words Pure
If you abstain from the above, dear sisters, you will not have to struggle or control your actions. But we are not as controlled, disciplined, are perfect as we would like sometimes. So,

6- Abstaining from physical contact.A good book on this is The Magic Touch by Gila Manolson.

Actions are like the consequence of thoughts and emotions. I personally am Shomer Negiah, except with family members such as my father, brother, grandfather, and uncles. Gila Manolson speaks about shomer negiah, and simply, it is having no physical contact whatsoever, such as playing, romantic, or casual. This doesn't mean you stay 10 ft away, but don't pat on the back (an unfeminine thing to do anyway) and don't hug , and if you can help it, don't shake hands. If we put up physical boundaries in the first place, and be steadfast with them, everything will be much easier.

I will leave you with this beautiful verse. All the scripture I use is from the Complete Jewish Bible, unless stated otherwise.

"In conclusion, brothers [sisters], focus your thoughts on what is true, noble, righteous, pure, lovable or admirable, on some virtue or on something praiseworthy." Philippians 4:8
Remember , let us , as young ladies, keep ourselves pure,in and out, so that we may be like the Kings daughter in Psalms 45:11, all glorious within! Have a modest attitude, a meek and gentle spirit, and do all things to glorify Him!

1 comment:

  1. Great post on a complex topic!


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