Purity Challenge Week 3 : My Climb to Purity & 200th Post

You lost your courage, you gave it away
Trading you virtue for the lies that bring shame
Feel so alone now, secrets keep you from me
Trying to hide it all but know that I see, it
Because I was there when those thoughts began
I was there when you changed within
I was there as guilty tears you cried
I'm still here, please understand that I

CHORUS
I am the one who restores your soul
I am the one who makes you whole again
No matter what you've done, how far you've run
Just turn around cause I'm waiting to hold you

Don't be misled now, don't remain in that space
Secrets they hate the light so come into my place
Its a painful thing to confess
That you lost your pureness
But know its not hopeless cause I

CHORUS

Realize that what you've done has distanced you from me
Determine in your heart, you'll do whatever to be free
Turn from your past and leave the old ways behind
Walk with me so closely, never doubt that you are mine
And if they try to judge you, and would turn you away
Know that I have saved you, theres no need to be ashamed
You turned from your past and left your old ways behind
Your walking with me so you tell the world that you are mine
The one..

CHORUS (2x)

Realize that what you've done has distanced you from me
(You made a separation)
Determine in your heart, you'll do whatever to be free
(I'm here to offer you salvation)
Turn from your past and leave the old ways behind
(Let me be your destination)
Walk with me so closely, never doubt that you are mine
(Nobody can separate you from my love)

It is Week 3 of the 2010 Choosing to Wait Purity Challenge!  There have been incredible posts, and I am really excited. Especially about this week's theme ! ;)

This weeks theme: Talk about why you committed to purity. Tell your story…when did you first hear about the term and why did you decide to take a stand? What has God been doing in your life since you committed?

Well, I'll begin from before the beginning.

Before the Beginning
My parents have always believed in purity for us (their children), but we didn't call it specifically purity until about 3 years ago. Dating wasn't and isn't allowed, I am not allowed to be with boys alone, etc. etc. Unfortunately, I was not pure physically and emotionally , or mentally, and most of it my own decisions- my parents did what they could, but my heart was not committed. So, about 3 to 4 years ago, I began a relationship with a boy I knew  and it was behind my parents back. But those, you can imagine, were bad months ;) My family was going through a lot of negative changes, but that is no excuse. Anyway, when I had ended the relationship , I felt such joy and peace, and began to make leaps back to HaShem. But, I still had a problem.
Six months after I ended the relationship (it was too silly to even deserve that name), I received the book , Before you Meet Prince Charming by Sarah Mally. (click to read review and check out an awesome site on purity)

This.book.CHANGED.my.LIFE. I recommend it to every girl and any parent. Phenomenal doesn't begin to describe it.Thank you Abba! Thank you Sarah Mally!
I read and enjoyed (can you tell?) this book. But, she was constantly mentioning to not keep secrets from your parents. Can you see my problem? I was still hiding what I did. While reading this book, and listening to Joyce Meyer teachings, the above album and song, which, Baruch HaShem (praise G-d) were also changing me, my conscience began to speak louder and LOUDER. I still hadn't confessed my secret to my parents. One night, which I will always remember, I was listening to Joyce Meyer, and thinking about my "secret". I made a decision after some tears and prayer, to write a letter of confession to my Mom. I did, but my courage began to fail. My hand was on the doorknob, and I was sobbing. I heard so distinctly, " I am with you, I am with you".
I wan to fast forward, because this post is already late, so all I will say is that I cannot begin to describe how understanding, forgiving, loving and kind my parents were. That night they gave me so much wise advice. And, imagine the joy, happiness, and how humble I felt. I had already committed to purity before I confessed, but now I could truly do it from a right place.Let me take a moment to say that you can read my previous posts on purity (click on sidebar label) to know what I mean by it.
So, since then. It has not been easy to keep my thoughts and my emotions pure, but because I understand that it begins with the thoughts, not the actions, I am able to catch myself "falling" quickly. I don't want to go back to where I was, so I try to stay where I am at- moving forward, b'ezrat HaShem (with G-d's help) . ;)

Why commit to purity? What have I gained from it? Sometimes girls don't understand - you feel as if you have lost something, or are trying to keep something, you just can't pinpoint what it is. When you don't have it, you feel the value of keeping it. I can't fully explain it, but it is important, and though I have not experienced it myself, I know that it will be so special to have firsts with my husband, and I wish I could have more firsts, but truly, it is what it is, and I have gone through enough shame, guilt, and living in the past to know that you have to move forward. So I want my testimony, my post, to be for the girls that have (its not and is never too late)  / have not gone all the way in giving away peices of their heart and purity, and for the girls that are pure physically, and emotionally, mentally- but are wondering, "What's the point?", or " It's too hard to wait!". Its worth it, it will be, and NEVER never compromise for experience. That's  not worth it. Trust me- that's what I did, and the regret can only get deeper as you grow and mature.
Commit to purity, dear daughter, sisters, and future wives! G-d loves you more than you can imagine, and there has to be a sacrifice for a high priced jewel, in this case, whether you are rich or not. ;)
May HaShem keep you close to Him, and may your future husband have to seek G-d to find you (photo on sidebar). You have to love yourself and G-d enough to make a commitment to purity, but remember, little steps  for those who feel far, and steady strides for those who must stay close!

My 200th Post!!!!!!!